Stuk 134 - Letter from Venetia Stanley to Edwin Montagu

[The British Hospital, Wimereux.]—Is depressed, because her injuries prevent her from working. Is thinking of going to [a casualty clearing station at] Hazebrouck, where she would be near Oliver and Anthony. Has received his letter [B1/128], and commends his ‘robust’ reaction to her own. The Prime Minister too has sent her a ‘divine’ letter, but she reassures Montagu that they will never renew their old relationship. Reflects on her last weeks in England. Discusses the plans for their marriage.

TRANSCRIPT:

Monday June 14th 1915.

My darling I am still disabled and have nothing to do but sit in my bedroom and read Resurrection {1}. I am so depressed I dont know what to do. If it wasnt that everyone else here felt the same I think I should kill myself. The only thing that makes this place bearable is having masses to do and there is absolutely nothing. I’m thinking of trying to get moved to a large clearing hospital at Hazebrouck {2} which might be better and would have the advantage of being close to Oliver & Anthony but there may be difficulties in the way, not being fully or even a quarter trained etc, so I dont know if it will come to anything, probably not. I’ve just got your letter of Saturday {3}. You are getting splendidly robust about me, I had many qualms of conscience after writing to you on Thursday {4}, because what I felt partly was that I didnt care a damn if you convinced me, or I you and that the whole lot of us might go to the devil & I’d not stir a finger to save them. So I was afraid you’d read all this into that dreary letter & mind. However it was all right and I’ve got over my feelings of indifference.

I had a divine letter from the P.M. this morning. He is an angel. But you neednt be in the least afraid that he or I will ever renew our old relationship. Nothing would induce him to. I know, because his letter was an answer to one from me, written directly after I’d seen him, in which I urged him not to let my marriage make the slightest difference to his feelings, it hadnt altered mine, so why shouldnt we both go on getting happiness in that way. Darling why do I tell you this. No I’m right to tell it you, but it was cruel to write that to him, because it must have shown him more clearly than anything else I’ve ever written, how little I really cared for him. Bongie was right I suppose, I oughtnt to have gone in to see him.

I shall urge my daughters to marry young, if they can, (I think I’ve said all this to you before) before theyve had time to make friends who they’ll regret. They can do that afterwards. But darling I dont really regret anything, and am more than content with what I’ve got, so you musnt mind if I have an occasional outburst like this. They get more and more rare.

—————

Written at the British Hospital, Wimereux.

{1} A novel by Tolstoy, first published in 1899. The first English translation, by Louise Maude, appeared in 1900.

{2} The RAMC Casualty Clearing Stations moved frequently from place to place. Several were stationed at Hazebrouck at this time.

{3} B1/128.

{4} See A1/130.