Stuk 138 - Letter from Venetia Stanley to Edwin Montagu

[The British Hospital, Wimereux.]—Has received his letter and telegram. Defends her decision to prolong her stay at the hospital.

TRANSCRIPT:

Saturday evening June 19th 1915.

My darling I’ve just got your letter of the 17th and at the same time a telegram from you at which I am rather bewildered. My sensations at reading your letter were most complex. Firstly I must confess I felt as far as black & white reason went you would have got any jury to pronounce in your favour. I suppose I did nominally go for a month only, tho’ I think you realised & you’ve certainly often said so that you didnt expect me to come home so soon. You object to my saying I shall be nearer Oliver & Anthony. How can you mind that. Dont you see that it isnt that they loom larger in my life than you, but that if once I’m away from you an extra hour & a half or 50 miles cant make much difference, I’m exchanging them for Gilbert & Conrad! Next you say that I dont even plead war struckness as an excuse. Perhaps it is my form of being war struck only I have the honesty to realise I am gratifying my own desire and not serving an essential purpose. All this you write about seems rather strange to me and yet not so strange as when you go on to talk about my “sacrifices”. I dont feel I am making any. I’ve chosen what I want to do, I am going to marry someone I love, there is no question of sacrifice about it.

“I cant live in two planets” I am not trying to, but I am trying to prevent you from regarding everything that isnt you as Mars.

I dont care what the P.M or anyone else thinks about me staying here,

I shant enter into a competition as to which of us has been made most wretched by the other, because I dont think I should win, I know I’ve always been made very happy by you.

You suggest coming here, but then your telegram seems to contradict that.

You havent made me in the least angry my darling. I know you find it difficult to understand why I do these things. I’ve told you already that as you mind Hazebrouck I’ve given it up, (Incidentally for I wont deceive you I dont believe it wd have been possible)

Am I being bloody to you. I dont want to be. I advise you to bully me once we are married. I’m sure its the only way. When you say things like “I expect you to do as I ask” and adopt a firm line like that I’m almost convinced that you have a right to dictate every act & thought of mine.

I cant help settling things without consulting anyone. I’ve got into the habit of it. You see I’ve done it all my life, and besides I knew what you’d say. Also darling I should like to remind you that only about 3 days ago you said in a letter that you had resigned yourself to the idea that I should stay out here till the end of the war. But of course I quite realise that it gives you a nasty feeling of instability about me, and that all my protests that I really will come home in Aug carry no weight.

What you cant grasp is that I dont stay here because I’ve not yet made up my mind. I have a million times.

But if you are really angry with me I shall give in, but I should like to stay here till the middle of August. I do want to be married but also it is my last chance ever to do anything of this kind. I could say all this to you so well, & not allow you to be wretched at what I said, and make some points clearer & others less salient.

You say you hope I’m not angry. I’m not often angry at anyrate not at the usual things which annoy some people. I shall wait for your next two letters very eagerly. What does your telegram mean.

I’m suddenly full of fears that you’ve suddenly made up your mind to wash me & the whole arrangement.

Goodnight I do love you.

Your devoted
Venetia

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Written at the British Hospital, Wimereux, in pencil.